Douchebag of the Day

Dear God, that tie. I fear for Benedick.

I find I’m beginning to loathe not only those named Lee but those named Mike. If any ‘Mikes’ come near the house I set the pugs on them.

@Mistress Cynica: Darling, that’s not a tie. That is a cloth artifact which demonstrates once again how far out in front our president is from his competitors.

Yes, it does in fact have a pleat, which in this case merely serves to amplify the horrid, slimy, glinty texture of the Walmart knock-off of God knows what. But the pleat is rigid. It looks like tram lines. Unlike our president’s perfect knot which looks like it just happened, no effort involved, nothing pushy, just casual perfection. Like the English style of flower arranging, the point is to make it look like you just came in from the garden at dawn, trailing dew, and just happened to find all these rather jolly flowers and just happened to throw them in the Meissen and yes, one is somewhat pleased with the effect. Same with ties. And breast-pocket handkerchiefs, if one dares to go there. Flick up, flick down, flick into the pocket. If the hanky is good enough it will land perfectly. If not… Well, you’re not really one of our kind of people, are you.

And WTF is that color supposed to be? I’ve only ever seen a yellow that garish on the walls of unrenovated condos in Boca Raton. A man who would appear in public with something like that knotted at his throat is clearly a man who would have no scruple about kicking granny down the stairs. But then, it’s Mike Lee. I think the name says it all.

@Benedick: I actually have a deep mistrust of Michaels. Dude, you’re a Mike. You were born a Mike, you’ll always be a Mike. Don’t bullshit me with your fucking pretension.

@nojo: if you two don’t stop that I’m turning this car right around!

@blogenfreude: He started it.

@Benedick: I didn’t start it, but I’m damn well going to end it.

@Benedick: @nojo: If you don’t shut up, both of you, no Jello pudding pops for a week, AND no Atari. Don’t test me.

@blogenfreude: He’s looking at me funny.

@Benedick: It’s your tie. The crease is wrong.

@Benedick: @nojo: I imagine a world where I’d run off to Butte Montana with that waitress instead of asking your mother to take me back. And stop kicking each other!

@Benedick: Dear FSM, man, I love you so much in so many ways for all you put in that comment. Don’t want to get all maudlin and boob-smooshing with you, let’s just say I want to drink with you again soon.